Let me try to give you some background on marriages in Uganda. There is legal marriage and then there is "holy matrimony". For a legal marriage you go to a court house and sign a document. For holy marriage, often you have as big and expensive wedding as you can afford, collecting pledges from people to fund your wedding, and then you gather with friends and family in a church for a ceremony, food, and a dance. During the holy marriage you would as sign a marriage certificate. Some would get a legal marriage first and then years later, at saving enough money, the couple would have the wedding ceremony in the church. Others would go straight to the holy marriage after dating. Others would live together for a while first, maybe have kids, and then get a holy marriage. At least that was how it was explain to me. Its all still a little confusing. Of course, the process varies depending on your religion and moral values, much as it does in the U.S.
Anyway, the two sisters were getting a holy marriage so Joshua and I would stay in Buwuni for the festivities. On Friday, I tried to get a understanding of when the wedding would start on Saturday. No one knew. Not even people in the wedding party. Some said morning, some said noon, some said 1pm.
Saturday, December 16th.
As it turns out the wedding ceremony had no really official starting point. The people just sort of slowly got ready for everything. Even the parents of the brides showed up to the church after things started and a large crowd had gathered. It was probably 4pm when Caleb (Joshua's brother) and I walked into the church. And it was packed! So many people!
This was a joint wedding so there were actually three wedding couples that day. I think they might group weddings like this to keep cost down but that is just my theory. After a guest pastor gave a sermon, the oldest brother, Joshua, gave away his two sisters, and then they exchanged vows, similar in wording to a typical U.S. wedding. However, NO kissing of the bride in public. I don't know if they were told not to smile or not, but one bride barely cracked a smile the whole time and she hardly looked at her husband-to-be. I knew she was in favor of the marriage so maybe she was just really nervous; there was a lot of people there.
Anyway, after the ceremony the wedding party (excluding the parents and Joshua and Caleb) whist away to take some photos and change into evening dress for the food and dance to follow. I hang out with my new friend, Joshua's cousin, most of the time while I was in the villages here and she helped me navigate the wedding scene too. The food and dance were outside, with tents to cover only the seating area, making a court yard like place in the middle. We got our food and then waited for the dance to start.
After all the invited people went through the food line then street children and poor lined up for any left over food. There must have been at least 100 poor children waiting for food. That's the thing about Uganda. People hear music and come running to see the party. Its quite easy to attract a crowd. As I looked at the children, the poor vs. the ones belonging to (rich) invited guest, it stunned me to note that there was only one real difference between the two group. Their money.
This little rich girl from Pastor Margret's relatives had her hair all braided fancy, wore a clean, princess-like dress and shiny shoes. She floated around like a butterfly wherever she wanted. She was safe, secure and confident. Her parents were respected and she was adored by many. Was she smarter then that little poor girl with her torn oversize dirty T-shirt? Was she prettier? More talented? Had more to give her community? Favored by God more? No. But she was allowed pass the adults beating back the poor children. Why? Her clothes were nice. Her body was washed. That's it. And this profiling was universal.
Oh, how I would have loved to not have white skin at that moment. I would have loved to sneak away and change into dirty clothes, dipped my whole body in that annoying red dust that covers everything and returned in disguise. If my disguise worked I am certain I would not have been disappointed. Only those dressed for a wedding would be allowed to have food. It reminds me of the parable of the wedding party in Matthew 22:1-14. Unless we are wearing wedding clothes (asking Jesus to be our Savior and wash away our sins) we will not be allowed into God's feast in Heaven.
It was almost dark by the time the dance started. We got to see the wedding party arrive and the couples walk down this red carpet thing and through some red ribbon. They did the whole cake exchange thing that is common in the U.S. but one difference is only the wedding party got to eat the cake. I just hang out by the music equipment and watched over Tia, Dorcus' little girl. At about 8pm we were packing up and heading home. I was a bit surprised because I assumed it would late far into the night. It was good to see different sort of celebration and ponder some deep thoughts.
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